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Thanks for all the comments. I miss you all and want to get to all of you personally. I have been busy and really only have internet access right now via work or my cellphone. So please bare with me. ;)
I will be 15 weeks tomorrow.
I can't believe it.
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"Behold, I make all things new"
For the past few weeks I have been terrified. I can literally feel myself shaking in my boots. This is too much, I can't do this, how can I do this? I've felt so overwhelmed, and alone. But it all changed after seeing this new life being formed inside of me. The little hands, the kicking feet, the precious heartbeat. I have never felt like this before, the second I saw the ultrasound all of my anxiety and resentment melted away into pure love. I am overwhelmed. How can I love someone so much, when we haven't even met?
Don't get me wrong - I am still afraid, I still cry myself to sleep some nights due to hormones and fear. But ultimately I have the reassurance that I am meant for this - in some way. Everything is gonna be alright.
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It’s like this: When I was a child, I spoke
and thought and reasoned as
a child
does. But when I grew up, I put away
childish things.
- 1 Corinthians 13:11
It is true what they say.. growing up is hard to do. Who would have thought growing pains would still be around at the age of 20? My heart hurts.. for what I have done and what I have to do. I am searching for strength to make it through this.. and wisdom to know I'm making the right choice. Only time will tell.
love.
sr.
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"No man for any considerable period can wear one face to
himself and
another to the multitude, without finally getting
bewildered as to
which may be the true."
-- the scarlet letter
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regardless.. life is beautiful.
it should be cherished.
it is heartbreaking to see someone try to take that away from themselves.
open your eyes.
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